Leprosy and Likenesses in Couples Everywhere?

I'm becoming convinced that couples everywhere struggle with the same challenges; enough high quality/high energy time for their marriage, desire for clearer communication to prevent and resolve misunderstandings, a need for knowledge about how to come back together after periods of silence that follow disagreements and disappointments, and a longing in both of them to be uniquely understood and to have more of their needs met in the marriage.

Today's first meeting with a couple was in their very tiny, somewhat hot and humid abode on a dirt road in the midst of a crowded neighborhood with very narrow streets. Many times the conversation was interrupted by incessant honking and the roar of trucks and buses with loud diesel engines...but their desires for a better relationship have been expressed by couples from a multitude of culture whom we've met in a variety of settings.

Our session was painstaking due to language challenges, but the results of coaching them through the development of a couple of goals and action-steps to accomplish those goals was the same as usual...GOOD! How do we know? They said they are very happy to have hope to make more quality time for their marriage, and when they do that they know how to open and hold each other's hearts. Neither are not mean feats in a culture where men work long and hard, thinking that this is the best they can do for their family, and where they aren't accustomed to listening or sharing intimate thoughts, feelings or desires. And it is no mean feat to persuade women to risk sharing these facets of their inner world, but easier than persuading and equipping men for such conversation. Dare we say that it is innate for a woman to long to be heard and her heart to be held? For her longings for emotional closeness to be elicited and fulfilled by her man?

The women get the concepts and skills we teach more quickly than the men. The smiles and relief we discern in their countenances says that this is exactly what they've been waiting for, and miracle of miracles, the husbands smile too and thank us in proportion to the smiles of their wives. And all of this in a culture that has historically elevated men and taught women to meet their man's every whim of desire without expression of their own. At least that's what we understand to date. Three weeks of cultural exposure and learning is probably analogous to a semester of college psychology. More than one undergrad has been ready to hang out their shingle after 13 weeks of study. In other words, don't take our understanding as the final word.

S___ is the son of parents who had leprosy. They are now deceased, but not due to this still prevalent and horrific disease in S. Asia. Colonies of the tragically infected adults and children live in colonies, ostracized by the majority of their society. S___ grew up in such situation, and soon developed passion to care for the adults medical needs and to provide the otherwise neglected needs of the leper's children (food, clothing, education...and a fair chance at life). He and his wife manage a home for 55 boys that will expand to 150 boys and girls later this year (we saw the construction next to the orphanage of yesterday). This couple again proves that deep and lasting joy comes from serving others, and that ministry about which we are passionate often emanates from our greatest pain and suffering.

This evening we met a gentleman who has served in Nepal and now Indore. He and wife are U.S. citizens. He took us to pizza hut by himself as his wife was exhausted by 10 hours of language study today and has a 1 month old child at home. It was nice to have pizza, though it didn't hold a torch to chicken tandori (sp?) which we had in the S's home.

Tomorrow and Friday are similar schedules, a bit moderate before three long full days of sharing with a large group of new friends. the request for sharing has expanded to family relationships, so we will be extrapolating from marriage principles and skills.

Time for more shut-eye....Oh, by the way, the temp is in 80's and humidity has increased, though the AC in the hotel is welcome, welcome, welcome....folks were enjoying the spectacle of my ability to perspire yesterday, and I was equally amazed that they weren't!

blessings, US